I just want to share with anyone who might be checking in...I'm really proud of myself at the moment. For one, I've been tracking my food and activity with My Fitness Pal. I'm eating what I want, but I've been diligent about exercising every day for at least 30 minutes. Not killing myself as I have in the past, just doing 30 minutes of aerobic and strength training at a decent pace. This has made me feel better about myself. I don't know...something may have changed in me...like maybe I finally feel like I DESERVE to take care of myself.
Second, this is what's sitting on my kitchen counter right now:
I made the cupcakes for my mom's birthday on Monday, and the cookies are left over from the holidays. We're all still enjoying them--mostly after dinner--so I'm not tossing them. Yet. But I'm proud of myself because in my former, disordered eating life, I would have totally polished off those cupcakes by now, and I would have lied to my family about their sudden disappearance. But now...here they sit...untouched. To be honest, they're not even calling my name. I've had two since Monday; one at my mom's birthday, and one yesterday. In the past, I would have eaten one for breakfast, telling myself that cupcakes have milk and eggs in them, therefore constituting a healthy start to the day. My ED nutritionist would have said, "It's just like eating a doughnut for breakfast" and she's right. It is. Then I would have had another mid morning. And perhaps a third in the afternoon. Then I would have been so ashamed of myself, I would have had to toss whatever was left of the cupcakes and lie to my kids when they got home from school. "Oh, I just threw them out. I didn't want them around, tempting me." Then I would have hated myself for lying to my children. What a vicious cycle it was. I'm glad I'm off that ride.
It is only the FIRST week of 2016, so check in with me in a week. But I hope everyone else is off to a good start, and finding some things to be hopeful and positive about!