Favorite Quotes

  • You're not too old, and it's never too late

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Six Days In...So Far, So Good

I just want to share with anyone who might be checking in...I'm really proud of myself at the moment. For one, I've been tracking my food and activity with My Fitness Pal. I'm eating what I want, but I've been diligent about exercising every day for at least 30 minutes. Not killing myself as I have in the past, just doing 30 minutes of aerobic and strength training at a decent pace. This has made me feel better about myself. I don't know...something may have changed in me...like maybe I finally feel like I DESERVE to take care of myself.

Second, this is what's sitting on my kitchen counter right now:

I made the cupcakes for my mom's birthday on Monday, and the cookies are left over from the holidays. We're all still enjoying them--mostly after dinner--so I'm not tossing them. Yet. But I'm proud of myself because in my former, disordered eating life, I would have totally polished off those cupcakes by now, and I would have lied to my family about their sudden disappearance. But now...here they sit...untouched. To be honest, they're not even calling my name. I've had two since Monday; one at my mom's birthday, and one yesterday. In the past, I would have eaten one for breakfast, telling myself that cupcakes have milk and eggs in them, therefore constituting a healthy start to the day. My ED nutritionist would have said, "It's just like eating a doughnut for breakfast" and she's right. It is. Then I would have had another mid morning. And perhaps a third in the afternoon. Then I would have been so ashamed of myself, I would have had to toss whatever was left of the cupcakes and lie to my kids when they got home from school. "Oh, I just threw them out. I didn't want them around, tempting me." Then I would have hated myself for lying to my children. What a vicious cycle it was. I'm glad I'm off that ride.

It is only the FIRST week of 2016, so check in with me in a week. But I hope everyone else is off to a good start, and finding some things to be hopeful and positive about!

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Happy 2016!!

A new year rolls around, and guess what? I'm back into my old "dieting" ways of thinking. I've loaded Fitness Pal onto my iPhone, and I did a 30 minute P90 workout this morning with my husband. To most people, this might sound like I'm off to a great start on my "healthy living" resolutions for 2016. But to those of us with eating disorders and eating/body image issues, you probably know this isn't the best start. For me.

But here's the thing...I'm not hitting it hard. Yes, I plan to pay closer attention to what I'm putting in my mouth at all times, but I'm not going to kill myself on the workouts. I hope to do something active for at least 30 minutes a day, six days a week. This sounds do-able and keeping within my hectic lifestyle. And notice I said "P90" not "P90X." The P90 workouts are much less intense, much better for beginners or those of us getting back into the workout swing of things. The one I did today was a "sculpt" workout, and worked all areas of my body within 30 minutes. I feel good right now.

I hope I can keep it up.

I'm really trying not to fall back into my old New Year's ways of hitting the workouts hard and restricting everything I want to eat. I don't feel like I'm in that frame of mind at the moment, but again, anyone with ED issues knows it's very easy to slip back into old behaviors. They're comfortable, they're old friends, they're what we know. I've also backed off on seeing my therapist--her suggestion, not mine, because she felt I was in such a good headspace. And I am, but I have to admit I miss her already. We'll see how these next few weeks go. I may be calling her again...

If you're like me, and trying to get off on the right foot health-wise, good for you! Even if you're not, and you're still wrestling with food and body image issues, good for you, too. We're all doing the best we can. Let's not be too hard on ourselves in 2016. I'm going to try to follow my own advice here...