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  • You're not too old, and it's never too late

Monday, December 8, 2014

Yes, I'm Still Here and Where My Head is at the Moment

What a month November was! I finished up my "presidential" duties for my daughter's tennis team, co-chaired our church's Holiday Fair and wrote about 22,000 words for NaNoWriMo.  28,000 shy of what I'd hoped for, but 22,000 more than I've written in the past few months, so it wasn't a total loss. Still, I'm going to have to rethink NaNoWriMo next year as I'll still be tennis prez and I'm CHAIRING the whole church fair by myself next year. This is what I imagine I will look like in 11 months from now:

Now I'm in the throes of preparing for Christmas (as I know many people are) but as far as my writing and my eating/weight issues are concerned, here's what I'm thinking and doing at the moment. 

I'm seriously considering taking a pen name. To hide or not to hide, that is the question. 

Part of me feels like I would feel freer to write whatever I want under the guise of another moniker. The other part of me rebels against this need for concealment because I've lied or been half-truthful all my life when it has come to my writing. I've been working at being more open and honest with everyone in my life about a number of things I've been keeping to myself, (writing and eating like a teenager) so taking a pen name feels like a step backwards for me.

Of course, in this day and age what does a pen name really mean or do for me? Anyone with a computer or phone or tablet can find out who I am in a matter of minutes. Is the nom de plume a thing of the past? I know many writers still use pen names but really, what's the point? I'm pretty hung up on what my family (of origin) and my parents think and will think of what I write. I know Anne Lamotte says, "Write like your parents are dead!" but doing so is harder than it sounds. For me, anyway. Isn't my taking a pen name just another way for me to hide so people don't know the "real" me? I admit that considering this option is rooted in fear, so I need to spend some more time thinking about this one, but I already have three names lined up, so I think we all know where I'm headed.

Now for my weight/eating/body image issues. I haven't been exercising and I feel badly about this, so today I grabbed a jump rope and went to my garage (because the jump rope can't touch the ceiling out there). I told myself, "Start slowly and aim for five minutes." How sad is it that five minutes turned out to be like a marathon? I should have aimed for 30 seconds. That would have been more realistic. 

I haven't jumped rope in ages, but I thought it's something I can do inside, by myself and it's supposed to burn a lot of calories. Yep, I bet if I had jumped for five minutes straight I would have burned up some calories. As it was, I think I jumped a total of three minutes and had to come in and sit down. My heart rate was pumping and if I hadn't taken a hit of my inhaler beforehand, I might be in the ER at the moment getting an asthma treatment. 

This is what I pictured when I had the idea of jumping rope:

However...this is a more accurate depiction of my experience this morning:

See how she looks like she's wailing in agony??

It's good that I moved today, and I plan on going out again this afternoon to try again, only I'm honestly going to shoot for 30 seconds of continuous jumping. It's important to set realistic goals, isn't it?

On a happier note, I was listening to a radio program the other day in my car and received a very positive message, which was that "yes" is in my (our) future. We may have to go through a lot of "no's" before we get to the yes, but hang in there, and you will receive the yes. The speaker pointed out that Thomas Edison "failed" at making the light bulb 2,000 times, but got it right on the 2,001 attempt. Edison said he didn't fail 2,000 times, but that he found 2,000 ways that didn't work. This helped my writer-self put things in perspective when it comes to being rejected. If you're doing the work and you persist, you will eventually get your yes. Even if it takes 2,000 tries. :o/

Hang in there, friends!

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