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  • You're not too old, and it's never too late

Saturday, September 13, 2014

My Blue Life

I've been told by three different people on three separate occasions that I have a "blue" aura. I've never seen an aura, personally, but I'm open to their existence. I'm open to the idea of faith. I have a strong faith in God, so I lean towards believing in things I can't see for myself. Especially spiritual things. 

I imagine this is what I look like to those who can see auras:

The three people who've seen my aura have told me I'm "bathed in blue light." 

Ok. So what does that mean, exactly? I went online and read up on blue aura personalities and I have to say I fit the bill. I'm not going to list everything here, but this is the site that provided me the most information:http://www.whatsmyaura.com.

The "blueness" of my aura has nothing to do with the blueness I've felt this week, but I thought it an interesting juxtaposition, so I mention my blue aura here. 

The sadness of my week has revolved around a number of things:
  • my oldest daughter growing up and away from me
  • my younger daughter's emotional/anxiety issues
  • my evolving yet still tinged-with-strain relationship I have with my sister
  • my rejected ED/memoir essay
Yes, this week has been a sucky one, to say the least. I let all of these issues overwhelm me, then unleashed it on my girls. I've apologized and made amends, but still...when am I going to keep my composure and act like an adult?? I've had to admit to myself that I'm human and let go of unrealistic expectations. It's hard. 

As far as my ED issues go...I did almost give into emotional eating this week. I found myself grabbing the bag of Ruffles and heading towards the couch. I made it there and ate ONE handful of chips when I decided that behavior was no longer serving its purpose in my life. It really doesn't work for me anymore. I folded up the chips and returned them to the pantry. I was proud of myself for that. I was fully aware of what and why I was reaching for the chips, but they didn't satisfy me, so I put them away. Two years ago, the bag would've been demolished and I would have had to hide the evidence from my family. So...there's one bright spot of the week! Also, there's this:

I used to live my life like this, and I no longer do. This cracked me up because I could so relate, but this was another bright spot. I'm no longer doing this to myself. ;o)

The rejection letter is something I've come to accept in my life, although I haven't submitted anything in a few years, so it's been a while since I've received one. Still, I sent out (what I thought was a) great essay about something very personal to me and it was turned down. :o( Rejection is a big part of a writer's life, but it still stings me. Every time. I think because I was already having a bad week this rejection letter hurt just a bit worse. That, and because it was about my ED. Oh well. Time to send it out again. And again. 

I'm happy to say I'm feeling better now. I would be interested to know if anyone else is aware of what color their aura is, or if they can see auras. And for the writers out there, feel free to commiserate about rejection. Ugh!

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