Favorite Quotes

  • You're not too old, and it's never too late

Saturday, November 30, 2013

omg...Please Pardon the Interruption...Again??

Life. That's the only excuse  reason I have to offer as to why I haven't had time to blog these past two weeks. Ugh. It makes me feel like a slug, and like I've started something I'm not keeping up with. I don't like feeling this way. 

For what it's worth, I have been busy helping others. I've been driving for Meals on Wheels and helping with our church fair, which helps earn money for the missions and outreach work our church does and I have to say that helping others is a great way to get your mind off of your own troubles. As such, I've been less concerned with how much I weigh, how I look and what others think of me. It's incredibly liberating. 

On the other hand...being so busy has meant less time for my writing, another fact that causes me to chastise myself at times. I want to be a writer, I want to publish more (I haven't had anything published in more than three years!) but I haven't been writing and submitting. I'm fighting the urge to take out that bat and beat myself up. I haven't used that bat in a while...now where did I leave it??

Ok. I'll leave the bat wherever it is at the moment, but I'm doing my best to write, blog, chauffeur, cook, clean, etc. You know how it goes. And anyone who may be reading this who has any words of wisdom or suggestion is invited to share them here. I need all the help I can get!!    

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Please Pardon the Interruption...

Life got in my way last week. My family lost a beloved aunt, while another family member was sick and hospitalized and I fell completely offline--literally and figuratively!

This meant no writing, at all. I read emails, but didn't respond; I didn't journal, I didn't work on my WIP and I obviously neglected my blog. Blogging takes a good deal of time and energy and I was depleted of both these past 10 days.

I learned something about my eating issues, however. It seems that when I'm hit with "crisis stress" I don't eat. It's only the little stressors or times when I'm alone that trigger my emotional eating. Hmm...

I can't explain this. I just know that last week, when things were in an uproar, I didn't eat much. I even forgot to eat at times, believe it or not. One day, I grabbed a doughnut in the morning and didn't eat again--or think about eating again--until dinner time that night. This is very unlike me. Food and thoughts of eating and counting points and calories and the timing of when I eat, etc. monopolize my thoughts. Not so when the shit hits the fan.

I really don't want to live in a constant state of crisis stress. It took a toll on me physically. My leg muscles, for some reason, ached every night. I guess from holding the stress of the day. I was more tired than I normally am. Of course it's not realistic to live in a state of crisis stress, but I have to admit, it was kind of nice having a break from my food and eating issues.

So this week I'm back to writing...and blogging...and eating, although nothing's been out of control. I hope it stays that way. I could use some normalcy.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Labels, Labels, Everywhere

Labels. I'm trying to learn not to label people because I haven't appreciated being labeled in my lifetime. Here are some labels that people have used to define me throughout my life: cold, aloof, insensitive, strong, fat, bitch, manipulative, passive-aggressive. Nowadays, friends and people I know  would not believe anyone would have ever referred to me with the aforementioned terms, but it's true,  they did. Thankfully, I feel I've worked hard to shed the majority of those titles and I've come to accept one that I used to view as weak. That word/label is sensitive. There's another word I haven't liked in the past that I'm trying to mend my relationship with and that word is vulnerability. Again, a word I used to equate with personal weakness. 

In my work with the "Dynamic Duo" (my therapist and dietician) I've learned that people who struggle with eating disorders/food issues are often the more sensitive ones in the bunch. I've also come to realize that yes, I'm strong in many ways, but I, too, am sensitive. And vulnerable.

 By equating sensitivity and vulnerability with weakness, I learned to hold in my feelings and not share my true self with others, including my family. I've become much more open with others in the last 10 years or so, but still, there are friends and family members who don't know I write. They don't know that I'm dealing with food and eating issues and seeking treatment for the same. Clearly, I have a long way to go as far as sharing myself with others goes. Blogging, writing and joining online support communities are all ways I'm learning to open myself up and accept myself for who I am. I'm also learning to accept the fact that being sensitive and vulnerable actually STRENGTHEN you in the long run. This is a crazy concept for me to embrace, but I have to admit that by opening myself up to others, I've enriched my life. I was scared to death to share any of the writing I'm doing for my memoir, but I shared it with the Dynamic Duo (DD) and the ladies in my writing group and guess what? Everyone responded positively. They only had supportive and encouraging things to say. Had I not shared this vulnerable side with others, I wouldn't know to keep writing and keep moving ahead with this project. Sharing myself with others is very scary for me, but I am seeing the benefits of doing so. 

I feel lazy doing this, but I'm going to link to Anne Lamott's recent posting where she talks about being labeled a sensitive child. I believe it's an excerpt from her latest book, Stitches. I love Anne Lamott. She's a wonderfully gifted writer who has learned some hard life lessons and come out on the other side a better, stronger, more self-actualized human being. I like these kinds of people because they prove to the rest of us that no matter how difficult things get, no matter what life hands us, if you're open and willing to learn from your mistakes, you can go on to live a happy, fulfilling life. They prove that no matter who you may have been at age 10 or 20, doesn't have to define your whole life, or into what kind of person you (hopefully) evolve. Her article really spoke to me, and for those who may be reading this and have no idea who Anne Lamott is, it's a great introduction to a sensitive and vulnerable writer. I hope to be like her someday when I grow up. ;o) Here's the link: